How Do You Remove Someone From Remind Without Them Knowing
The Ethicist
Can I Ask My Ex to Delete Those Nude Pics?
The mag'due south Ethicist columnist on how to brand a delicate request without provocation, and more.
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I recently broke up with someone I had been seeing for several months — not a long relationship, but a very intense one. In our breakup I realized that there was a lot about him I did not know, and I no longer trust him the way I once did. Is in that location an ethical manner to ask him to delete nude pictures he may have on his phone? Office of me feels that if they are received, they are yours to continue, only I no longer feel comfortable with his holding them. Any suggestions on how to navigate this without retaliation? H.Y.
His to go on? Aye and no. When he received these pictures from you, you gave him some property rights in them and non others. In particular, y'all weren't granting him permission to share them with anyone else. You lot retained a reasonable expectation of privacy. It'southward natural to say that you "shared" the pictures with him, and that verb is quite apt, because when you pressed Send, yous were not fully relinquishing your ownership.
Yous're gratuitous, of course, to inquire him to delete these images, and to remind him that he doesn't have your consent to share them. A decent person would accede to that request, and wouldn't demand that reminder. Just he may take the view that he's entitled to these mementos. And fifty-fifty if he promised to delete them, you'd have no mode of knowing whether he had really done so. You'd have to trust someone you lot discover less than trustworthy.
Asking people to do something they're not obliged to do needn't be antagonizing.
You mention retaliation. Exercise you lot think that asking him to delete them would make it more likely that he would circulate them — mayhap to a selected person, perhaps more than widely? Nigh states criminalize the nonconsensual broadcasting of nude or sexual images, discipline to diverse atmospheric condition.
But your aim is to avoid the violation in the commencement place. Y'all'll exist the best judge of how to manage your ex; I'll merely notation that asking people to do something they're non obliged to practice needn't be antagonizing. Politely let him know that you regret having shared these pictures with him, that you hope he will delete them and that yous trust he will continue to respect your privacy.
I went over to my father's house one recent morning to practice some work while my floors were existence cleaned. I told my father the day before that I would be coming over in the morning and then texted again a few minutes earlier heading over. I have a key to his identify, so I permit myself in. I quickly realized that my father was not prepared for my arrival and was in the shower. I shouted howdy and headed into the kitchen expanse. In the kitchen, a brightly colored vibrator was charging. I was very surprised to see this, peculiarly equally his girlfriend of six years was currently out of town and would not exist returning until the following evening. I called out to my dad that I was going to become for a quick walk to get some air, and when I returned the vibrator was gone. I know in that location are a number of possible explanations, including that he was preparing for his girlfriend'due south return. However, my begetter does have a history of infidelity, and information technology makes me lamentable to think that he may be lying to his current partner. I honestly do non want to broach what I saw with my father, merely do I accept an obligation to let his girlfriend know of my suspicions? Name Withheld
First, you lot saw what you saw because your father trusted you with a key to his home. Although you texted him, yous don't say that he gave you reason to think he read your texts. So nosotros're talking about what you saw past gaining entry, unannounced, to someone'south home. Second, his girlfriend's relationship to you passes through him, so to speak; your obligations to her are bottom than your obligations to him. Tertiary, you lot take no relevant noesis to impart, just speculation. (Every bit you notation, there are a number of possible explanations.) Yes, if he were beingness unfaithful and she didn't know it, she would exist better off, other things being equal, if she did. Just that'southward a wrong for him, not for you, to put right. I'd say you lot owe information technology to your father to proceed your own counsel about this violation of his privacy. And you owe it to yourself to put it out of your mind.
A Facebook friend of mine, who is on the kinesthesia of my university only whom I've never met, was instrumental in introducing me to a publisher for a manuscript I have been working on for many years. To my delight, the book has been accepted for publication!
I am very grateful to this Facebook friend and was thinking of treating them to a nice tiffin. My spouse says: "Absolutely not! Yous are not existent friends with this person. It is creepy to reach out to them, they are going to think yous are some kind of pervert!" Regardless of whether my partner is correct about me existence creepy, is it inappropriate to offering lunch to this "friend" I accept never met? We have commented upon each other's Facebook posts over the years and I think find each other interesting. (I would not be averse to actually being friends.)
Exercise you retrieve the answer to this question differs depending upon our corresponding genders and/or sexual identities? Name Withheld
I observe your spouse'southward estimation a surprising one. Your spouse evidently thinks that this dejeuner is spring to be read as a romantic overture (making gender and sexual identities relevant). Given the interactions you describe, though, a collegial luncheon would seem a very natural proposal. At that place are many kinds of affection; eros and philia tin follow different tracks. Beingness a loving and faithful spouse doesn't require that you close yourself off from new friendships.
I have worked for my company for 21 years. It has always treated me adequately. I have enjoyed my tenure here, and I intend to give notice of my retirement on March 1.
I have heard that there volition be a shuffling of responsibilities early this year. These responsibilities crave interaction with our external customers. This could hateful I am given new external customers with whom I demand to develop trust and a solid working relationship. Question: Knowing that I volition be leaving but a few months after I get responsibility for new customers, do I take an obligation to give observe before so that my employers don't have to reassign my new customers after such a short period of time? Name Withheld
You lot don't want to inconvenience a company you've enjoyed working for. That speaks well of you lot. But I don't meet why you need to inconvenience yourself as a result. Why can't yous just tell your bosses what you're planning to do, so that they can have it into business relationship equally they reshuffle tasks and customer relationships? Your bosses have treated yous fairly; you'll depart having treated them fairly.
I am a graduate pupil at a large public university, and one of few students lucky enough to be funded by my department. Recently I learned that other graduate students (funded and unfunded) in the department have signed upwardly for a Covid relief stipend. I am not in dire financial straits, and I don't support anyone in my family financially, but grad school stipends aren't high, and the cost of living nearly my university is high, especially since many housing-management companies seem to assume that students are fully supported past their parents, and therefore rent is a ridiculously high portion of my income.
I wouldn't say that I experienced anything life-altering when Covid hit, merely like many other students, I found existence online more stressful, distressing and isolating, and as a upshot felt a meaning driblet in my mental health with the onset of the pandemic. If this coin is already awarded to my schoolhouse, is it incorrect to sign up for the Covid relief stipend? Name Withheld
Philosophers often use the term "institutional desert" to refer to what someone deserves according to the rules of some organization or governing entity, and that's what pertains hither. If the rules are reasonable, there'southward no reason not to follow them. You don't say how the relief programme is structured or what its eligibility criteria are. But why not apply? If you respond all the questions truthfully and you are adjudged eligible, you're entitled to the benefit.
Kwame Anthony Appiah teaches philosophy at N.Y.U. His books include "Cosmopolitanism," "The Honor Lawmaking" and "The Lies That Demark: Rethinking Identity." To submit a query: Transport an e-mail to ethicist@nytimes.com; or send mail service to The Ethicist, The New York Times Magazine, 620 8th Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10018. (Include a daytime phone number.)
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Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/18/magazine/ex-nude-pics.html
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